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Monday, 15 October 2007

Hitting a rut

Hi all

Well I have not been too good recently re food. I know I have an eating disorder and I really need to conquer that. I cannot stand the lack of control I have when it comes to food . I just pig out when I am very angry and at the moment I think I am carrying alot of anger. Not just at Kimkins but also my Ex Husband. We have only been seperated 1 year but i don't think I came to terms with it fully. Don't get me wrong I am happy in general but I think there are some underlying things that I have not dealt with.

I am in a new relationship with Chris, ouch I hear you say rebound, but we have known each other 26 years and had a brief relationship 20 years ago before I moved to London from Lincolnshire. His Wife left last November so we are in the same boat and I think in some way fate brought us together as it feels so right. We are both happy go lucky we never argue and we just feel so right together. We are not running just walking we don't make too many plans for the future and have not made any comitments, but you know when you are with someone and it just feels so right well that is how it is with us. I hate being apart from him but we have our own space too. Both our kids, (I have 2 boys, he has 2 girls) get on really well. When we contacted each other in January we were both still hurting from the marriage break up, but we got to know each other again and I feel fate has dealt us a chance here. Oh and he is coming on the cruise with me. Any way I have been between Lincolnshire and London for a few months now and finally found out a friend is going to Thailand for 6 months and said I can use his house until he gets back. I just feel things are happening for a reason and I am just going along with what feels right for me. So I am back in London for 3 days and need to pack so I have told the boys for every box they pack i will give them £1 which is about $2. They are up for it so after this morning, as we are all tired from travelling last night we got back at midnight, we are going to get cracking and pack. . So on the 29th the boys start their new school and we stay at Chris' for one week then move into my friends on the November 3rd.

Both Chris and I have joind a gym as he lost about 70lb when his wife left so he needs to tone up and although I have gym equipment at home I need to go with someone also to stop me getting bored. My friends have also said they want to go swimming on Ladies night when I have moved. I know once I am moved I will be better emotionally as when I come to London I am alone with no friends and my old friend who is a neighbour also has been horrible to me, dumping rubbish in my garden and making silent calls. I would call the police but I figured I am only here for a short time and I will be gone.

My plan is once I have moved I will plan my eating for the week, also my exercise and get my friends to join me. I am also looking for a job so my self esteem should improve and my independance too. I have the cruise to look forward to so that is really keeping me going.

Oh and re Kimmer i got an email which now says that Kimkins is under new management, is that a way of trying to keep support??? I don't personally think anything has changed, after all who would take over that sight now with all that has been happening.

Here is the second news report about her!!!++Internet+Diet+Scam+Exposed&d1=219667&redirUrl=

Wednesday, 3 October 2007

Still Struggling

Why oh who am I doing this to myself?

I wake up each day and say to myself today I am going to eat well. Then something happens to trigger me to eat.

I think I am still holding a lot of anger!!

I recieved this link today which I found very interesting!!!!!++Internet+Diet+Scam+Exposed&d1=219667&redirUrl=

After all aren't we all in the same position? Don't we all have the same goal? Are we not there to support each other with this disease?

I know I will lose my weight and I know I will need surgery at the end of it as my excess skin is stopping me getting where I want to be.

One day I will wake up and I will stay strong and it will sink in that I am worth it I deserve to look after myself!!

I am in Wales this weekend so will take time to re-evaluate what I am doing.