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Tuesday, 31 May 2011

Interesting Article taken from The Daily Mail

This article just shows what we are up against with diet info here in the UK. When it comes from 'experts' whom we are suppose to trust, you'd think they would be right, well how wrong can they be I'm hoping somewhere along the way we will be given the correct info and no more lies!

Yes people have the freedom to find out for themselves what is the correct way to eat but when that information is coming from the FSA(food standards agency) this is the voice of our government and people respect that advice, well after all why would we question it?

More and more people are doing research that proves how effective LC/HF is.

Monday, 30 May 2011

Despite a very difficult weekend I stuck to plan!

This weekend was Bank Holiday Weekend, it is traditionally a time for enjoying families or planning a weekend away. We were without the kids this weekend so Chris and I just planned time to ourselves. We decided to go to Lincoln just to browse around the shops. Our first stop was Starbucks, Chris's favourite coffee place! We sat down, well I actually sat and claimed a table while Chris got the drinks, I had Americano with pouring cream which I was thrilled with! I picked up my iPad and logged into Facebook, I had a message from Nikki my friend in London. It was telling me to ring her mum Lynda, my initial thought was ooh maybe she's getting married, I couldn't get through on the phone so messaged Nikki back saying I couldn't get through and I hoped everything is ok. She responded telling me to just keep trying, I gave a look at Chris which more or less told him I was worried! I really didn't want to make that call as thought it would be bad news. As I was calling I thought maybe it was her mum, she'd need support! I had to go outside as it was too noisy. You know sometimes you are in a situation usually a bad situation you go into that surreal slow motion, this was happening. Lynda asked if I'd been on her Facebook page and read her status, now I felt sick, I told her no. She then informed me her youngest child Michael had been killed, he was 16, in fact it was the day before his 17th birthday. He was walking across a pedestrian crossing when a bus came through at speed and knocked him over. I just stood in the carpark of Starbucks breaking down, people were sat there just going on with there day as normal. I felt so desperate and just in so much pain, pain as a mother imagining what my poor friend must be going through. A pain I could only just begin to imagine how it would feel to lose a child, a pain no mother should ever have to feel. I was so sad as Michael was one of those happy children with a beautiful spirit. He had a wicked sense of humour and he always had a smile on his face when I saw him. I hadn't seen him for a few years but was still in contact with the family! Only a few weekends a go I was discussing with Lynda the usual motherly things, how our kids are doing, how well Michael was doing and he'd just started working. We were saying how time flies, I've know Lynda for 11 years and yes time does fly. I felt guilty and still feel guilty that I hadn't made more effort to go and visit them, how we all get wrapped in our own little worlds, we get so busy that we never seem to find time to stop and pay friends a visit.

When I came off the phone I felt a big overwhelming need to phone Ben, to hear his voice and know he was ok, I told him about Michael, while growing up they had spent time together usually discussing playstation as kids do. I couldn't speak to Luke as I felt I had to protect him from my emotions, having Aspergers makes it difficult for him to understand emotions and he can also get distressed when he sees or hears me crying.

This weekend I have felt lost and raw, I've been thinking if this is how I'm feeling then Lynda must feel a million times worse. How can you ever recover from anything like this, people say it gets easier but how can losing your child get easy.

Today we went out to East Kirkby to an aviation museum, we had a really good day, looking around I could see lots of families having fun and enjoying the day. Then I would just stop again and think of Lynda, and Nikki and Kim (Michael's sisters) probably all feeling a sense of loss that they could not comprehend, a sense of injustice.

Knowing how I am with food and my emotions and being at risk of eating the wrong things I made a batch of sugar free meringues and some oopsies, I bought some cream and whipped it up. I had some to eat but it wasn't out of this need to stuff my face, I just had some and enjoyed them. But to be honest I think if I hadn't made them I couldn't be bothered I felt flat emotionally and had no interest. This believe me is a first.

I had a Skype chat with Jimmy Moore on Saturday, I was feeling frustrated over my weight gain, he was there for me, after a very difficult day it was good to hear a friendly voice, he had no idea what I was going through emotionally. We discussed my food and what could be the possible cause of my stall in weightloss and Jimmy gave me tips on adding more fat to my diet. It was good to talk to him he gave me some great tips and I came off the chat feeling more positive, I am no longer concerned with my weight coming off although yes it would be a bonus. I feel a million times better in my physical self and I know my blood sugar has reduced drastically. I must take a reading actually so I have a real idea of how I am doing.

My goal for next week is to try go without 'comfort' food, even though I know I am eating stuff that is allowed, I am going to try reduce that need to eat indulgently. But I am recognising that I've done well this weekend in staying away from bad foods and that is a big achievement for me. I also recognised that chewing gum could be what is stalling my weight, it has 62g of carb per 100g, yes I know it would take a lot of sticks to get through 100g, but I feel it is one of the causes.

This week I will not have gum and hard cheese and just monitor on Friday if it makes a difference, but I am at the stage where I'm not really bothered about weightloss anymore. I also bought Zumba for the Wii so I'm going to try that out tomorrow afternoon. I met a personal trainer who does sports massage who recommended resistance training so may book some sessions with her just to get me going.

Remember your kids are precious even when they are being annoying, treasure each moment.

Thursday, 26 May 2011

20 days sugar free and low carb

Well I have to say I think I am doing well and have given myself a pat on the back, I have survived 20 days sugar free!

How has my journey been so far, well you will know if you've been following.

Week 1 I felt really ill, I was dealing with jet lag and detoxing, was it worth it? Oh yes. I lost 4 pound in that week and felt pretty good by the end of it. My headaches had gone and I was no longer waking up with a hangover feeling (the effects of high blood sugar).

Week 2 I was feeling more energised and positive, on the Wednesday I had mixed seafood with cream cheese, didn't realise the crabsticks were full of crap! This was enough to give me an increase of 2 pound. Did I feel like giving up no, although I a weak moment but thankfully just one, I got straight back on track. Lesson learnt READ THE LABELS!

Week 3 Well I'm almost at the end of it, I feel great, I have more energy, I'm less bloated and my rings are looser. I know longer feel my life is ruled by food, am I cured? Well today yes I am and I take it day by day. Do I get tempted? Yes I still do but I look at cakes and such and think no I don't want them as I know that one slip could just be the time when I'm back at square one and I really don't want to go there ever again. Yes I want to be at a stage where if I'm offered a cake and I could think ok I'll have one please enjoy it then not think of eating more. Somehow at the moment I don't feel that will happen. I've had a gain yet again +1 pound which is so frustrating, funny thing is this time I don't feel angry enough to go off plan, I know this way of eating works for me but just need to tweak the foods that personally affect my weightloss.

So when I get some answers I'll lett you know!

Saturday, 21 May 2011

Mistakes are so easy to make!

Well when I weighed on Friday I had a 2 pound gain, this was very disheartening I was so annoyed but couldn't see why or how! I was baking scones and also the low carb chocolate brownies for a couple of girlfriends who were visiting. Yes you guessed it I caved into temptation and had a scone, well I told you I would be completely honest here. The good thing is I told myself only one and I had a piece of the chocolate brownie to try it. It was very nice and tasty but I know it would come at a price if I had that too often! I managed to get right back on track immediately. One thing I want to do is journal what I eat each day that way I will know exactly what I have eaten. This week I had to go back and analyse everything, it finally came to me last night right after I'd eaten what was the culprit. I had on Wednesday a sea food mix it had calamari, mussels, prawns and crab sticks only the crab sticks weren't crab they are a mix of surimi which usually only makes up about 30% the rest is stabilisers, and wheat starch, rice wine and many other ingredients. This has taught me to scrutinise everything I buy and make sure i look at the ingredients. Even the Mayo I bought tonight has sugar in it so I need to make my own, after all it is pretty easy to make.

This week I will plan much better when I am at work I don't want to be tempted so I've been researching snacks that are allowed. Monique whom I met on the recent Low Carb Cruise has a brilliant Blog LifeZone, I've added it to my recommended links, it has some great ideas of what you can eat on LCHF, also some good tips for planning weekends with the kids and eating with friends.

I know a lot of my friends in the UK will find it strange me eating lots butter and double cream as we are brain washed about low fat. But I know LCHF works there are too many people I know that this as worked for, even when I was low carb I knew I felt better but now I have to stick with this way of eating it is a life choice rather than a 'diet'! Yes eating the butter with my food is strange but I find if I have my favourite a good quality butter then it is easier.

So on a positive I think I did well getting straight back on track and I refused to get into the frame of mind when I feel guilty, as it is the guilt that starts the downward spiral of emotions.

My eating today

I don't really do breakfast I can't eat too early as I feel sick so mid morning I had some mature cheddar snack size and coffee with cream.

Lunch I had 2 chicken breasts with skin on and warmed it up with cream cheese over it.

Dinner Chris fancied fish and chips so being LCHF didn't stop me joining in I just had Haddock without the batter and ate that with butter on it.

I probably should eat more but I'm finding I am feeling satisfied and don't feel the need to eat more. The butter seems to stop me feeling hungry now, I was always an evening picker but now I feel I couldn't possibly eat anything.

So this week I am journaling what I eat each day and what kind of day I've had, I'm gonna be organised and prepared what I will be eating. Hopefully Friday I will have a loss but if I don't I'm not too fussed as apparently in the first few weeks you can have a gain before you start losing this is for the long term.

Tomorrow I'm going to my first Zumba class I'm looking forward to it and I've bought a sports bra ;-).

Tuesday, 17 May 2011

Keeping going

Well I am now feeling much better I think dealing with Jet Lag while xeroxing was a bit much but I'd rather get it over in one go. Yesterday I think was the first day I felt well the headaches had stopped and my stomach is not griping so much.

I have coped pretty well with temptation I went to a party and only ate the fillings from the sandwiches not the bread.

I will be weighing every Friday but last week on Friday I'd lost 4 pound. I try not get into the weighing everyday as this can become obsessive and unrealistic for me as we fluctuate day to day. I know people who are happy with this and it works for them. Occasionally halfway through the week i give in just to see if it is still working!

I am beginning to realise that food will always be tempting for me but it is whether I choose to let it control me. When I am in the right frame of mind I can be very determined and stay on track but that one slip can send me on a downward spiral that can last for months. I know I have to look at other ways of dealing with my emotions rather than turning to food! I need to develop a mental tool kit. All my life food has been comfort and reward, sometimes Chris will by ice-cream and cakes and will say have it as a treat you deserve it. I think I just need to educate him to choose jewellery instead ;-) lol.

I downloaded an app on my iPad called 'You can do it' it is basically a positive thinking book in it is a list of promises to yourself to make a change for the better so I am going to hand write that out, it is better if you hand write it as you put more into it and take it in better! So this is my first goal, I have tweaked it a bit to my needs I'll put a copy on here so you can see it. I will pin it in a prominent place like a mirror or
the fridge so I see it daily. Each morning I want to read it so it sets me up for the day.

Well what have I been doing differently this week that has stopped me going off plan? Well the first thing is I've just returned from the 4th Annual Low Carb Cruise and it has given me the determination I need. I have some very good friends who together we are supporting each other and we are going though the same thing. I've set myself a goal and I want to achieve it. I don't want to be in the same position next year on the next cruise! Looking at all my photos I just get drawn to the fact I just have to lose weight! I have issues with my tummy I know I need a tummy tuck and will have one, it is one of my goals.

Initially doing this blog is my journey and how I achieve this, my aim though is to turn it into help and support for others on how I've succeeded, I figured I can't do that initially although I will be sharing how I am doing it, I need to help others once I've helped myself. So stick with it while I waffle on as things can only get better! I remember when I was nursing I would often have to advise people about healthy eating I always cringed as how could I a fat person tell someone how to lose weight. Yes I was ignorant back then it would have been the typical hi carb low fat diet that has been 'proven' as a good healthy diet! As a diabetic I would often get referred to a dietician, don't get me wrong these were always very nice 'thin' people. I would just sit there and smile and take in the advice, even then I realised all this starch
can't really be that good for you. When they used to say all you need is willpower inwardly I would laugh I mean this was a person who had no weight issues and never struggled with a lack of 'willpower' I knew then that my eating was so much more than needing willpower! In the end when the diabetic consultant said I'll make a referral to the dietician I politely said no thank you.

The more I listen to the speakers on the cruise the more I have learnt that yes I have emotional eating issues but some of the problems I have been having are down to the foods I was eating. Eating Carbs makes me eat more Carbs and crave sugar and I also never could recognise when my stomach was full. One of the speakers Mary Vernon explained about taste receptors in the bowel and how when eating Carbs these receptors would want you to eat more Carbs. If you increase your fat intake( and I don't mean the plastic fat that is in dairy spreads and margarine I mean real fat) saturated fats are what you need and these apparently turn off these receptors in the bowel so you feel fuller quicker so eat less. This I have found to be true, for the first few day I increased my fat intake, believe me after all the government health warnings of how a high fat diet can kill you this was difficult. I cook my fried eggs in butter and then pour the butter on top and chop it all together this is one way I can stomach it. I was getting where I was literally forcing myself to eat and feeling quite uncomfortable, when someone said if you aren't hungry don't eat. Bing the lightbulb went on I felt so much better, I realised i was satisfied and no longer craved
food. My day is no longer spent thinking about my next sugar fix and my next carb fix. On the 2010 cruise one thing that stuck in my mind, one of the the speakers Dr William Davies spoke about low fat diets, he explained that low fat diets started to become popular in around 1984, and guess what was on the increase following this? High cholesterol!! That to me spoke volumes.

Right one of my goals for today is drink more water, since my blood sugars have gone back to normal I no longer have this dying thirst, before I planned my journeys around toilets and getting drinks, now that has reversed I keep forgetting.

My good friend put this on her status and I really love it, it it so true "A careless word may kindle strife. A cruel word may wreck a life. A timely word may level stress. But a loving word may heal and bless".

So go and heal someone with a loving word!

Saturday, 14 May 2011

Still doing good but want to start from my beginnings.

I've been low carb high fat(LCHF) all week now and still feeling determined and strong but think I'm going through detox at the minute as my IBS has returned and getting sicky headaches. I haven't felt the need to go off plan, note I am not using the word cheat I hate that word.

Coming back from the recent Low Carb Cruise has made me think and take stock of things, I really enjoyed the cruise and meeting with my friends and seeing new people but the not mingling was a problem for me, so next year my goal will be to feel good about myself and to be better at meeting the people next year I know will be bigger, better and busier.

Today I have been looking at myself more and why I get my hackles up when people criticize anything to do with my size, I think all my life it has been an issue for me. Looking back it seemed like my weight was always the subject that people felt they had a need to tell me as if it was their right. I suppose firstly I grew up in a home that we had 3 meals a day and you ate what you were given. Fruit was not a daily part of my diet usually at Christmas we got a tangerine on our stocking. This later became Terry's Chocolate Oranges, when I was young i think the sweets and chocolate gave me a quick fix to fill a gap in my life, that gap I won't really go into as I have moved on from this.

Whenever we had get togethers as a family well meaning aunties would talk about my fat as puppy fat and when I grow up it will go! Well for a short time between 16 and 20 it did. I remember being thin and enjoying it but never felt I could be free to be thin! I lived in Italy for a year as a Nanny and really enjoyed my time there, I lived in with an Italian family and leant to speak Italian I felt good about myself and proud that I had learnt another language. At the end of my time in Italy I got a job in a coffee shop, the owner an older man probably in his mid 50's, he was quite chatty and my accommodation was included with my job. After my first day Vito needed to get rid of some rubbish! I was very naive so thought nothing of getting in the car with him as he said he would take me to the apartment after. We drove up into the hills surrounding Florence where he encouraged me out of the car to look at the beautiful view of Florence. That was when my life changed, the evil man raped me! I got back in the car and he drove me back to he city and dropped me off at the apartment, getting in the car was difficult but I was alone in the middle of nowhere survival took over. I remember this feeling of being totally alone and lost, I think I spent the whole night in the shower just trying to get clean. This was when I returned to the UK, I think my mind blotted out what had happened. I met up with Chris he was then and is now the love of my life but when we got together then it scared me because of what had happened and I ran away to live in London! This I do regret but I don't regret marrying my ex husband as I gained my 2 boys who I am very proud of and they fulfil my life.

This I think was the start of my struggle with food, I would binge eat anything. I was a non purging bulimic as I wanted to get fat, after all if I was fat nobody would be attracted to me and in my mind this would prevent what happened in Italy right! I had this inner struggle so wanting to be slim but every time I tried I would lose a certain amount of weight then I would panic and the diet would fail again.

Again a well meaning aunt who I'd not seen for years saw me, I was so looking forward to seeing her too, she didn't even say hello the first words out of her mouth was "god you've got fat!" I could have died on the spot but somehow I had grown up learning to just accept insults without saying anything. I mean I could have turned around and said "my how wrinkly and old you look now" but I would never be so rude.

I think the problem is people judge a person without looking behind the face of the person in front of them. The native Indians have a great saying which I try and live my life by "Oh Great Spirit please help me to never judge another until I have walked 2 moons in their moccasins".

When you live with a weight problem you are judged on a daily basis with people making perceptions, looking at what you are eating. On the recent cruise I really couldn't relax as I felt I daren't eat what I want to for fear of being judged. I love the people on the low carb cruise as they have a passion for the cause but sometimes when there is passion for something compassion is lost. We are all human and we all have weaknesses. I admire someone who can make a choice to omit certain foods without a problem, but we are all different and at differing stages in our journey to lose weight and be healthy, some people take a straight road while other take a winding road. No body is better than the other and some struggle more than others. I now have changed my attitude towards people who try to evangelize to me in a forceful way that eating Carbs is so wrong. I know Carbs are bad but I have off days and I have learnt to sometimes give in otherwise the struggle gets worse and can lead to a binge.

If you don't have a struggle with food and you are tempted to give an opinion or a disapproving look at what is on someone's plate, stop for one moment and think, just one little comment or look that is negative can create a whole spiral of emotions that can lead to someone like me going on an eating binge. This does not mean I am weak or I need pity just compassion and respect. Take an inward look and say to yourself thank God I don't live with this nightmare.

Why did I share all this well I am on a journey and I want to share that journey as I hope in doing this blog I can share my ups and downs but it will also keep me accountable.

Friday, 13 May 2011

I'm back

I forgot I had this blog so gonna try continue and stick to it this time.

What's happened in the last 3 1/2 years well I lost 70 pound but put 20 back on, my mum died which caused a stall. I've just returned from the 4th Annual Low Carb Cruise which I thoroughly enjoyed but couldn't fully enjoy as being part of the committee and felt scrutinized believe me no-one gave me that impression but it was how I felt personally. I felt uncomfortable so I didn't mingle as much as I should. The funny thing is on this vacation I achieved so much in New York going up Skyscrapers and climbing up a fast running waterfall Dunn's River falls. Jumping off a platform into the river, and singing in the talent show. I am an achiever I can do things if I set my mind to it so why then do I struggle daily sticking to plan with food! Even Chris saying if I get to goal he will pay for a tummy tuck for me doesn't seem to drive me!

This week I've been thinking my weightless struggle is an emotional one, I already know what I should be eating yet sometimes I give in to temptation as if to say to he'll with it. So now I am looking at what are the triggers and how can I prevent them from controlling my life. So from now on I am strictly low carb hih fat and on a journey which will also evaluate my eating patterns and sharing what I have learnt about myself!

I started yesterday on lowcarb high fat and was 205 this morning I was 201 so have lost some water initially but I do feel strong and I am determined but I keep saying to myself just for today I'm doing okay. This is a step by step process, I set myself little goals first I get to Breakfast then my next goal is getting to lunch then I work towards dinner and than making it to bedtime and staying on plan.

I will be using NLP and life coaching to get through this and I am enrolling on a course to help others. So watch this space